If you’ve ever been a bride, or a bridesmaid for that matter, you’ll know that it can be a somewhat tricky relationship.
Once the initial excitement of the wedding wears off, there’s an awful lot of rules, and planning and expectations from both sides over who should do and pay for what.
In fact, in some instances it’s these issues which actually cause brides and their bridesmaids to no longer be friends once the wedding is over.
So, one woman has opened up about presenting her bridesmaids with a transparency letter, detailing exactly what she expects from her bridal party, from event commitments to costs, as well as what she’s willing to provide for them.
While bridesmaids contracts have often been painted in a poor light, Lisa Torres wanted to give her pals the opportunity to know what they were signing up for, before agreeing to take on the role – explaining that it would not affect their friendship if they chose not to be part of the wedding party.
Lisa responded to a TikTok which said: “When you agree to be a bridesmaid, without realising it’ll cost you three whole pay cheques and every second of your paid time off for this year.”
“I’m really glad someone pointed this out, I am going to share a tip that I used to be more transparent with my bridal party,” Lisa said in the clip.
“Before I got engaged I was a bridesmaid before, and I wasn’t fully aware of all the costs and expectations associated with being a bridesmaid.”
So, to prevent there from being any potential miscommunication when it came to her own bridal party, Lisa decided to lay it all out on the table for them, before asking if they wanted to be involved.
She explained: “I felt very insecure doing this, but I’m ultimately glad that I did – and that was including a letter of what I expected from my bridal party. I just put it in this cute little envelope and included it as part of the bridesmaids proposal box.
“In that letter, I outlined time commitments, so I told them if they lived over an hour away, they didn’t have to worry about making it to the bridal shower or to go wedding dress shopping with me, it was fine.
“I also specified money commitments, so I told them I would pay for their hair and and makeup, but that they would be responsible for the cost of the bridesmaid dress – although they had freedom over what style they wanted, I just asked for a specific colour.”
However, perhaps the most important part of the letter was when Lisa told her friends that they could absolutely turn down the offer of being bridesmaid if they didn’t want the commitments laid out in the letter, and promised them it wouldn’t affect their relationship.
“I told them that they could say no to being a bridesmaid, that we would still be friends and they could still keep all the gifts in the bridesmaid proposal box,” she said. “One of them said no and we’re still good friends.”
Lisa, you are a genius. So many friendships could be saved by this letter.